Sir, On a recent visit to Lord Shaftesbury he suggested we take a cab into town. I expressed my displeasure at a bone-shaking ride in a Hansom cab, but he tapped his nose and smiled. I can confidently say I have never had such an enjoyable ride in luxurio
Sir, my staff have of late shirked several duties due to complaints of hysteria. As dear Dr. Hartschäft occasionally strains to honour constant demand for treatment, he has thus instructed the staff in the art. The practise has been most effective thus fa
Sir, Traditionally, as head of the household, it would be myself who would punish the staff for misdemeanours. In this modern age, my housekeeper has introduced a new hierarchy, which I take care to study at great length.
Sir, A Gentleman's micturation is a troublesome and time consuming activity. One evening, having consumed my fifth or sixth glass of port, I stumbled upon a solution. I have staff sitting around doing nothing, and they can damn well piss for me. I have en
Sir, as another of my servants is mysteriously With Child, I am forced to seek a new maid. On requesting particulars, I received a novel and most modern photographic presentation. I may take some little time studying their merits.
Sir, My new maid Ada is employed under-rate - ('tis only proper for a new servant). But, as a considerate master, I have promised quadruple wages and a penny for coal if she can lick her fundamentals. She reports to me weekly with updates on her progress.
Sir, I recently dismissed another maid for burning my breeches by placing them too close to the fire to dry (and I do not wish to discuss her "traditional" sans-soap laundering methods). I have found a superior maid who has most ably demonstrated the appr
Sir, my maid Betsy opined her wages too low to buy a new hat. "I shall give you a new hat", says I, "If I may be permitted to make a photographic print whilst you wear it. Bring two of your friends, they may all have a new bonnet!" The joy in their hearts
Sir,My maid Annie learns music with an intent to improve her wage by a penny a week. She complained that her cheap instrument did sound flat and lifeless. I noted that her voluminous layers of clothing were having a damping effect on the sound. Resolved,
Sir, further to my correspondence of the 20th inst., I have received - quite unsolicited - a brochure of geysers from a rival manufacturer. It is a true modern miracle that I feel such warmth from merely browsing the sales literature. Thus, I beg assistan
Sir, having dismissed my maid on her ignorance of port wine & brandy, I found myself interviewing fresh staff. "From which region does the best wine originate?" I asked. Upon their response, these harlots were removed. On later reflection, I have invi
Sir, My wife, the good Lady F____, instructs me that the modern house has music played by minstrels during dinner. I set about arranging the most musical of evenings; indeed after the gentlemen retired for cigars, the music was heard to play on for many a
Sir, My maid Daisy seemed most ignorant. She neglected the wash stands and the fires, and served the port straight from the cellar. I raised the latter with her, and her dedication to ensuring the port is served at the correct temperature is now admirable
Sir, With long distance telegram charges being such a high burden, I recently learnt that my wife has great understanding of the matter. She assures me that she can arrange for telegrams of any length or distance at no cost, although no more than two per
Sir, I found my maid resting upon a chair when there were 9 cases of Brandy to take to the cellar. I dismissed her at once. She said I am the best employer, is working until day-end sans pay, and will present me with a bottle of vintage Burgundy upon her
